New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
