if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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