Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
