are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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