im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i now understand why vodka
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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