on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
this just has baby written all over it
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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