i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
