Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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