We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
