And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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