my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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