I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
