Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she smelled like a LAN party
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
