And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
not ubering you a puppy
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