it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So many bounce houses so little time
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize