I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
