my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
worst night to have a conscience
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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