Will you blow on my dice?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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