Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
