Non-Jews are for practice
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
