Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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