remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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