you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
