i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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