I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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