According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
