Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
