Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
