I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
