i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
