Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
