If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
ttyl tear gas
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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