in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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