Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
