You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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