I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize