Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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