Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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