We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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