Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
