I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
