im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
