Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
