my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
