i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
