Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
