A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I deserve this hangover.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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