He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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