Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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