Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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