So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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