Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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