oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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