Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
