never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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