Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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