I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize