Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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