My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
