She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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