hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize