i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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