Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
