Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
