I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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