my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
