..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
