anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
