id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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